My friend and I were having a discussion about this particular topic the other day and it prompted me to post it. Can mutually attractive people really be platonic friends without any lustful or emotional feelings ?
I think it has been unwritten in most societies that this is in itself not possible based on social conditioning and assumptions. If this person ‘looks this way’ and the other ‘looks that way’ then the percentage chance that they are together is…..?. What is even more interesting is how the body speaks when both of these persons interact. That is, friendship is the relationship but overt flirtatious actions may take place unconsciously.
So my friend stated that in his eyes these hot and mentally stimulating females were very good friends but if they allowed him to he would get intimate with them. So of course I went to other friends both male and female to conjure more data. Surprisingly the responses were not very far from that of initial statement.
So my friend stated that in his eyes these hot and mentally stimulating females were very good friends but if they allowed him to he would get intimate with them. So of course I went to other friends both male and female to conjure more data. Surprisingly the responses were not very far from that of initial statement.
What exactly is the nature of these relationships?
Is it a subliminal waiting game for the right time to make that move?
Or is it just a means of delighting that selfish desire to be in contact with the person based on the fact that you are not together intimately, but still keeping that door/option open?
Is there no true friendship in that sense but rather a shared association that both recognize each other’s attractive attributes? A kind of fulfillment through association.
Also, it can be said that we have been socialized to automatically respond to persons of the opposite sex if they are mentally and physically attractive as we are. Even nature can be blamed as we can be said to be hardwired to be on the lookout for the alpha male or alpha female.
The argument is that subconsciously we recognize that the person is attractive to us but our conscious minds keep us from acting on impulses. What happens though when we are inebriated and the classic 'I wasn't thinking straight' syndrome happens. Is that the true proof of the theory? Many can attest to this occurring in friendships with others considered attractive platonic friends.
What do you think ? ( I have a feeling that the women are going to have profuse sexist generalizations on this topic LOL. Yikes i am outnumbered)
What really happens when a girl and boy become friends? Will one or both parties start to feel more romantically inclined towards the other? Will we struggle to keep those exuding pheromones at bay as we are drawn closer to crossing that line of romantic-no-return?
ReplyDeleteWhat defines what exactly is a platonic relationship? According to the Dictionary, it’s "a close relationship between two persons in which sexual desire is nonexistent or has been suppressed or sublimated."
Aha! So clearly the sexual desire has been part of these so-called non-sex friendships all along! No wonder Harry was so frustrated when he announced to Sally (in the movie When Harry Met Sally), "The sex part always gets in the way." Hope u watched it
Sex is always a problem. But philosopher Nietzsche had a different theory. He wrote, "Women can enter into a friendship with a man perfectly well; but in order to maintain it the aid of a little physical antipathy is perhaps required." Which means, if neither party is physically attractive in the eyes of the other, things should be good, dont it?
Or not. If we follow Nietzsche's logic then there isnt a hope in hell for a platonic friendship between a pretty girl and a hot guy. Not a baxide, their so called “friendship” usually changes into an affair which never ends good..case and point Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
But aside from that,perhaps real platonic friends provide us with something that we don't get from our same-sex mates or romantic partners. Men love them because they get that emotional support they don't get from their mates and females luv them cuz, well, let's face it – men see things differently.
What’s important is 2 b mindful & respectful of the feelings of the person ur in a serious relationship with, over those of your “friends”. Within reason.. I also believe it's healthy to have your own life independent of your partner.
The key I think, is to be open with your partner about the importance of that friend to you, but if you are more emotionally intimate with a friend(of the opposite sex/sex you are attracted to)than a partner, I think you have to ask yourself what you're doing in the relationship
here here Swalters *pound gavel*
ReplyDeletebecause we are social beings we interact with a myriad of diff people. however wen we're frends with persons we find attractive alot of things come into play, we flirt, women act coquettishly and we try to convince ourselves that its all done in good fun.
if we go back to Psylo's post about feeling for more than 1, then there is an inherent sexual desire for those platonic friends that we are attracted to.
'it can be said that we have been socialized to automatically respond to persons of the opposite sex if they are mentally and physically attractive as we are. Even nature can be blamed as we can be said to be hardwired to be on the lookout for the alpha male or alpha female'
this has to b the case, coz we are animals and thats how we find our mates, nuh? however if 1 already has a mate as Walters so elegantly stated - R E S P E C T. thats what restrict us and adds boundaries as to how we act in these platonic friendship, as we have so pointed out previously that being in a relationship does not shut us off from feeling for others. 1 can also argue that a restriction in itself adds a certain allure - i can look but i cant touch, just makes me want to touch more... does it not?
those of us single folk are all too familiar with the 'friends-with-benefits' arrangements, isnt this the result of acting out those desires we feel for our platonic friends without all the untoward attachments?
all in all friendship is basis for any good relationship, whether it stays at that level or grows into more, gotta have a foundation, we cant just say i'm not going to be friends with sexy people coz i dont want to be tempted. poppycock!
mans eyes wont be satisfied-bible
ReplyDelete