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Misdirection in magic
takes advantage of the limits of the human mind in order to give the wrong
picture and memory. The mind can concentrate on only one thing at a time so the
magician uses this to manipulate the "victim's" idea of how the world
is supposed to be.
Man has truly taken this to another level and rewritten the laws
of attraction through misdirection. The ornaments and rituals that
has personified the art of attraction for centuries has been taken over by science
in the form of MAC makeup, steroids, breast and butt implants therefore
making things a bit blurry with regards to the 'Ideal' partner. The
first thought of a symmetrical figure may not be an indication of health but
rather 'are those real"? along with the extreme "is that a man
or woman" ?
Most know that the first impression is the lasting impression so
the physical aspect does have its role in interpersonal relationship, but are
complimenting interests and the mental arena being replaced by the iconizing of
cosmetic features and material resources to attract that special someone.
So what then is the ideal? A cosmetic facade or the image projected from the
inside? Have we as humans shifted this paradigm into that which is mainly
physical only to be haunted when we enter these "superficial" relationships.
This is easily demonstrated in most Hollywood relationships
where image rules and scandalous breakups abound.
Furthermore, I have been
accosted by a loyal reader on the point that most men lament on the type of ideal woman they want
but settle down with the complete opposite or find that ideal, stick her in
the house and go out and cheat anyway.
Women have also been the
source of controversy being able misdirect attention on how they are deep down
and pull a grand illusion of the ideal mate.Portraying the image of the perfect
woman early on the relationship only to make a 180 and put it 6"6 once the
prize is attained.
Is this innate or are we
just socialized to be greedy, conniving bastards not really knowing what we want? Thats another topic (look out
for it) . But is this all the fault of misdirection ? The opposite sex using
the tools of sexual and material imagery to capture the attention of
the 'victim"; therefore manipulating the outcome or are we just enhancing
that which is of the natural world. Should we strive to stand above this or
accept our primal instincts?
Do we really ever drop
the physical modes and move to locations that typify what we want in someone? If we want to meet a sincere and unselfish person why do we not get involved at the shelter or children’s home better yet do some charity
work. It seems basic reasoning... yes ? But why isn't this the normal
practice? I think this proves that who we are with most times is exactly who we
are meant to be with often shallow, instinct driven and selfish people. The stark fact is that we may all know what we want but are just too disappointed in
ourselves to admit it when it goes against our socialized values of virtue and good will.
Alas I think for most of us
humans we have regressed into being purely animals, driven by what is in plane sight, oblivious to that which takes deeper thought to appreciate. Please let me know what you think.
society makes us believe we are to b a certain way to get love: look, act, talk, walk. that if your not the hourglass 38-24-40 your not ideal, if you dont have how many letters behind your name your not ideal, if you dont learn how to cook, clean, wash, your not ideal. if you dont have a certain bank account, drive a certain car
ReplyDeletewe grow up thinking we need to enhance ourselves to land a mate or even a job, just to get somewhere you have look like a certain way - make yourself marketable. if this thinking wasnt perpetuated how would things get this far?
corsets were used back in the day to give a certain figure, ppl went to great lengths for elaborate hairstyles and clothes to get noticed, preening themselves like peacocks.
'The opposite sex using the tools of sexual and material imagery to capture the attention of the 'victim";' in a nutshell, yes - most of us are of the mindset that we need to go to certain lengths to get noticed (whether we admit it or not) it is somewhat ingrained in us to want to look a certain way, coz that way is said to be the ideal. but we're never satisfied and so we keep enhancing and enhancing(Death and Destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of man.Proverbs 27:19-21)
we have also become a people of instant gratification, instant hair, instant dinner, instant love (eharmony lol): 'If we want to meet a sincere and unselfish person why do we not get involved at the shelter or children’s home better yet do some charity work. It seems basic reasoning... yes ? But why isn't this the normal practice?' - because it takes too much time, i dont think its because we are utterly baseless, but we have become very superficial and we want the rite now.
no longer is it the idea that when is ready to have kids he or she will settle down, but its really about whenever we're ready or even feel like - marriage or even a relationship that has foundation isnt a prerequisit anymore. the more we advance the more we degenerate...
Ok. So I'm guessing this, simply put, is a question of what humans really prioritize as it relates to attraction to another. Let me be totally honest (which i usually am). I love a thick woman, with a nice, juicy butt, strong thighs, and hips, and a flat belly. She could even be fat. I just dislike flabby waist line and flat back (no ass) and a girl thats too skinny (even if she has all the curves). All this is what attracts me physically. However, when I'm in love with someone, none of this matters. That person magically becomes physically "perfect" to my eyes. I can only fall in love with someone who's PERSONALITY sweeps me off my feet. There's this one girl I know that it doesn't matter if she weighs 600 pounds or 60, I love her more than anything in this world! Nothing could get me to cheat on her...absolutely NOTHING! she's my ideal! She's not imaginary...she's real!
ReplyDeleteHer body is not totally what I would say is the perfect body on a woman, but then the way I feel for her, I couldn't make any adjustments for her to be any more attractive to me sexually or otherwise. Her personality turns me on like no lap dancer or pornographic scene could. It's her inner strength, her stupidity (silly, fun stupidity), her wisdom, her laughter, her child-like playfulness, her mother-like sense of responsibility, her wife-like sense of hospitality, down-to-earth, intelligent but ghetto in certain good ways...and so much more, that attracts me.
I was with another girl who had the "perfect" body. She was thick. Skin sooo smooth, succulent breasts...nice and firm, ass to die for, the cutest little smile. But she was all physical...she was a total bitch. Extremely selfish and bossy, irrational, very limited sense of humor, acting like she's above the clouds all the time. Materialistic (oh how i hate that). Even said out of her mouth she thinks she's somewhat of a gold digger. As hot as she was, the thought of her disgusted me at times and I wanted her out of my life.
Of course there are still times when my hormones kick in and I wish I had her body at my mercy but soon after I remember who she was and the lust quickly fades.
Girls now are so preoccupied with make up and tattoos and all that...they think somehow it's cool and makes them more attractive, but as the original post mentions, they are just attracting the wrong guys (the ones that only want some ass). If you dress like a hoochie, you'll attract pimps and buyers. If you dress like a woman who knows herself, is sophisticated and isn't trying to be Beyonce, Nicki Minaj or Rihanna, you'll still attract the persistent pimps and buyers but at least you also attract the handsome bachelor. Going with the crowd and trying to be what you see on tv is NOT attractive. Beyonce doesn't dress like she does in her music videos everyday, that's just her costume for a performance. I see all these 1 inch-long eyelashes and claws on fingers and people going to the club wearing a lingerie and I'm thinking, who do these girls wanna attract??
ReplyDeleteAlso, for those guys like me who look far beneath the surface of things, I'll be thinking a girl doesn't think God did a complete job on her so she has to tamper with His work to somehow look better. For me, anything permanent is a BIG step backward. Tattoos, breast implants, nose jobs, butt implants, too many piercings...all these turn me off. Tattoos and certain piercings, if inconspicuous, are not so bad, but the others are definitely out of the question. And too much make-up...gosh!! If I can tell right aways that this is not what you really look like, then you lose points. If you're gonna copy the celebrities, copy them properly! Copy them when they're going out shopping or partying or on the red carpet at the Grammies...not when the're on stage or worse, when they're in their music videos or movies. Moderation is extremely important!!!
Another thing, why are supermodels so damn slim?? Shouldn't a model be an image of what the ideal should look like? Shouldn't fashion be "fashioned" around the perfect human figure. Most guy models look nice and lean, well sculpted and balanced, why do the girls have to look like sticks??? Most men are attracted to "healthy looking" women. So he'll probably wanna see a healthy body in a nice dress or outfit. The answer I get mostly is that slim girls fit into anything...so do slim guys but again, guy models usually look sexy (no homo). Shouldn't there be a balance between slim and fat (average maybe). There ARE different classes of models, I know, but the Supermodels dem mawga!! Once again
I have probably drifted away from the main topic, but all this came to mind as I went along. Please forgive me.
@Zee i must say your reply is very intriguing and i must say i agree with the get rich quick mentality permeating our relationships as well. So this get a 'mate' quick type of thinking is actually anti-productive as in most cases you arrive at the goal without appreciating and understanding how you got there.
ReplyDelete@Gerrard I admire your honesty and based on your 'perfect'body girl you seem to have given me another example of another who was haunted by a superficial relationship LOL. But it lends me to the question again by one of my readers. Why do men lament on the 'Ideal' woman as you presented but still find themselves with the 'perfect' body but limited mind. I think this may prove the fact that as men we may be more Primal and image based than our female counterparts. I say this because while women will appreciate sexy features in a man as lets say 40% of the package for most men physical features may be as much as 85 or 90% of the criteria to be filled.
@ Zee: Very true! But why aren't the supermodels 38-24-40??? lol! In the early days, the thick girls were the ones in the forefront. They were the models and porn stars - the pin ups. Even the paintings. This topic is linked to the Technology topic because the media is at the heart of this destruction of the minds of people. One sector of the media has thick, extremely attractive girls calling themselves fat, while at the same time another sector of the media is trying to get girls to be 38-24-40. Then another sector is saying "fluffy to di worl" and has fat girl wearing anything they wanna wear out in public. All this to me is a clear indication that you really cannot get caught up into what the world/media thinks of you. Be you, do you. But just be mindful of the basic right and wrong. It's very simple. If there's a part of you that needs work, you shouldn't need someone to tell you. Everyone should be able to search themselves. But without a standard to measure by, that's impossible. This is where the Bible is so critical, but we are slowly but surely replacing it with science. Educated fools are taking over...leaving people confused.
ReplyDeleteMessage to girls: The right guy is out there and he'll tell you how beautiful you are. And when you find him, don't let anything else or anyone else's opinion matter...why should it?
The cooking, cleaning, housewife thing should come natural. It should be one of those things people don't need to tell you and so is the bread winner role for the guys but media is the real enemy here. Mainstream media has perverted tradition and stigmatized what was once natural and normal everyday life. Love is now something to fear. Having one girlfriend is now a result of some lack of "game". "Do you drive or own a house?" is now a very important question in choosing a man. "Do you eat p**sy?" or "Do you suck d**k?" is another very important question nowadays. It's all a perversion of what once was a simple life. And it's the same for the human body. It used to be that a guy could see a girl from across the room and think she looks smart and fun to talk to, and start a simple conversation that evolved into a long lasting friendship that turned into a great marriage. Now, before a guy says hi to a girl, he scans her from head to toe, with nothing left to imagination because she's very skimpily dressed and he decides whether or not to say hi based on how sexually attractive he finds her. I know because I find myself doing it too. The girl I mentioned earlier that I am so very attracted to...i began my pursuit after seeing a very provocative pic of her ass on a website. The media is the mastermind behind all of this. They influence the trends in fashion. They influence how we perceive things. They pervert the young minds and leave them to grow into confused adults. Gosh, I am saying too much. Let me close here:
It's easier for me because I've been around long enough to see the last days of good moral media. When there were no blackberrys or free porn sites, or even internet. When TV used to sign off after the national anthem was played plus my father is a pastor, my Mom an evangelist, my whole family, basically Christian. But what about those without such foundations, who never knew "innocent" media...the days when being gay or even being a freak was something to keep to yourself? What will happen to those people. And worse, at this rate, where will things be when my grandchildren become teenagers??? Too scary to even ponder.
@ Psylo: Very True! While women drool at buff, well sculpted men, and big "packages", it's not as important to them as a sense of security and comfort. But again, this is a result of how the media has taught us to be. Society is teaching us men to be more lascivious while teaching the women to be more and more materialistic and gold digger-ish.
ReplyDelete@Gerrard...you've said everything exactly how I would say it. I have no need to comment. Y u feel u mus comment so much? lol. I love it. @Zee, u too. agree totally, think Im gonna use some of these paragraphs on fb today:)
ReplyDeleteBut seriously I am also guilty of trying to find the "quick" mate without even realising that Im looking for charactistics that can be honed, but then again it goes back being taught when you're turning an adult that you shouldnt waste your time on people who arent for you. So we try our best to do "speed-dating" to find that perfect person so we dont waste time and in the end it just proves futile cause u select someone who only looks good on paper but isnt the right one.
@Gerrard.This is nothing new in how men are socialized i think. While the roles and norms for women have shifted over hundreds of years i think they have remained static for men for the most part. We have always been socialized to be overtly sexually beings and lustful entities.
ReplyDeleteOk all grab a cup of cofee cuz i dont know wen i will stop writing. here goes.
ReplyDeletei will first talk about what is ideal; living in this society is not an easy one, especially if you go against or do no conform to what is deemed as normal or as acceptable. for most persons they seek someone that is wanted or will be wanted by others. ever notice how when someone is single, no one notices them, but as soon as someone is showing interest in them, everybody else joins di line. What is up with that? i think it is human nature to want what is wanted by someone else. this not only applies to relationships, this applies to the job, car, houses, clothes, friends, etc. Not all persons fit this profile, so dont get me wrong. funny thing that this even goes for food. ever been out with friends and you eat out of each others plate? i do it all the time. is it that my friends meal is the ideal meal? i dunno.
I can say that what everyone before me has talked about i agree with and can relate to. i often try to conjure up in my mind, what my ideal mate would be like. but funny thing is, i have never found him, nor has he found me. i often end up with half or less of what i pictured as my ideal mate. if they have the charm, they dont have the body, if they have the body, they dont have the sensitivity, if they have the sensitivity and charm, they dont have the body and i could go on, but then there would be no end. usually if i am attracted to a guy based on his appearance, then there is something about his inner being that rubs me wrong, so i dont usually date guys that i am attracted to physically. ye weird right? i know.
Not to toot my own horn, but guys tell me all the time that i have the "ideal" body and how if i was with them they wudnt let me leave the house. to most females i guess that would be a good thing. to me, that shit is such a turn off, i literally hate it when guys talk about my body. it lets me know immediately that all they want to do, is to 'bed me'. Now dont get me wrong, i do know that at first there has to be a physical attraction (sometimes) and then u get to know the person. but to dwell on it time and time again, over and over, even after you have known the person for days, weeks, months on end, it does become annoying; trust me.
No guys, men, what ever you want to be called, not all females like for men to dwell on there bodies and how good it looks and what you would do if you got the chance. As ideal as it might be to you, keep it in you head, not all women like hearing it. it lets us know that all u want is SEX and more SEX. giving a complement is nice, but dont dwell on it. Didnt i say that already? yes i do get a little emotional about this. sorreeeee :D
i have been single for over a year now, and it is because i have chosen to stay single. people there is no such thing as the ideal mate. what you have to do is to find someone that you can live with their faults. everyone has faults and yet still there are persons who have been together for years. it doesnt mean that they love everything about each other, it just means that they are able to tolerate each others fault.
ladies, men, if you boyfriend or girlfriend have ways about then that bugs you every single day or it annoys you constantly to the point that it upsets you and makes you considering breaking up with them; then it probably wont change 2,3 or even 5 years from now. if you stay in such a condition, misery will be there with you, or you will go else where to 'get away'. to stay in such a relationship, is to torture one self. as my friend once told me, do what makes you happy, and if you are annoyed, miserable or upset most of the time, then you are not in a good place, and clearly that situation isnt ideal for you.
ReplyDeletehe or she may be ideal for someone else, but not you. One definition of Ideal - "something that exists only in the imagination". the imagination exists in the mind, and that is where happiness comes abounds. ever notice how what is in your mind determines how you feel. likewise what is in your mind about your mate determines if he or she is the ideal person for you.
there are persons who stay in the less than ideal relationships, jobs, friendships, etc, which result in them being unhappy or miserable. often times there is a reason behind staying, even if it is that they have convinced themselves that it is ideal. "Nothing we do is done in isolation, there is a reason behind everything. Everything we do is a means to an end".
forgive me if you have trouble following, i do tend to type all over the place.
@kwinte All i can say is wow. Your passion and character has definitely been demonstrated in your response.Thanks for your insight into this topic it is well noted.
ReplyDeleteHey Psylo,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your post and all the responses. I think that many good points have been raised. And yes, I think that there will always be some sort of competition that the sexes go through to attract mates. We live in an age where people can now enhance themselves cosmetically or materially in order to boost themselves past all the other contenders for that all important "first-impression" and people use this to their advantage (for better or worse). Deep down, "survival of the fittest" is still deeply ingrained into our DNA.
My biggest problem is that women get pejoratively labeled for our behavior, while men's behavior gets excused as “oh, they're just being men”. People will tell women not to dress a certain way so that they don't get treated as sexual objects. No one ever tells men not to buy certain cars, or suits, or watches, or any other symbols of success or wealth, so they don't attract "gold-diggers". Men are not usually labeled for being attracted to a woman for her physical "beauty", so why are women "negatively" labeled for being attracted to a man's ability to provide financial security? I see it all the time, especially when a lot of these black athletes and celebrities marry these non-black or half-black or barely-black women, because they think they are marrying the ultimate trophy wives because they conform to a certain standard of beauty. The response is always, “Awwww, don’t hate on that man for that.” Hmmm. “Hi Pot, please allow me to introduce you to my good friend Kettle.”
In a recent conversation, a man told me that women are the reason why men have become emotional icebergs. He said that women say they want a man who is emotionally available, but then they expect a man not to show his vulnerability and to "man-up" when he is hurting. First, I'm not sure why he thinks that the origin of this was a woman's idea and not a standard imposed by society (and we all know that men make the rules), but if one could even accept that line of thinking, then it could also be fair to argue that women become "heartless" in response to men who cheated, or broke their hearts or left them for someone who had a bigger booty or better breasts. I have experienced more heartache than I care to remember, but it hasn’t turned me into Akasha, Queen of the Damned (though at this point I am strongly considering it). I have been with men who have made less money than me, and I didn't love them any less. I shared what I had, and in the end I only got laughed at it when it ended. People said I should have known better. My kindness was taken for weakness and I was ridiculed for it. I can see why many women have made the decision to see what they can get out of a relationship first – I think it eases the sting of a break-up, especially if you’ve been dumped. Maybe you’ve turned us into emotional icebergs too. (con't)
Darcy Part II
ReplyDeleteWhich brings me to my next point - I am so tired of this "Adam and Eve" legacy that promotes this idea that somehow women change men into someone that they are not. It would seem that Eve shoved the apple down Adam's throat. This idea has single-handedly sealed women's fate as sexual beings in the Western world. We are the temptress, the enchantress, the witch. All of the powers to which we are attuned to the energies of the Universe come through our sexuality, but we have been vilified for it. This is how we compensate for the physical strength that you have over us. Do you think that the Creator would have chosen that newborn, innocent life come through such a “dirty”, evil place? But men have always been in awe of our intuitive gifts, perhaps even a little envious, and so they denounced them. Instead they spread (through Christianity) the notion that the ideal woman was a Virgin (who also could miraculously procreate). How could we compete with that paradigm? (BTW, did you know that around the time of Columbus, the explorers would rape young, virgin indigenous and African women because they believed that the purity of virgin blood would cure them of STDs? Do you know that, today, infant and child rape is rampant in South Africa because men believe that pure, virgin blood will cure them of HIV and AIDS? Now I ask you, who has turned who into what? Who are the victims? How will those girls grow up to see themselves, or regard their sexuality and men? If a woman is raped by the Janjaweed in Darfur, often she can not return to her village – that is if they haven’t burned it to the ground – she is an outcast. Around the world there are so many examples of the brutalization and oppression of women by men. Why are the victims always blamed?)
And of course men, and women, have struggled with the Madonna-Whore complex ever since. Many women are complicit in our own debasement as women because we allow this double-edged sword to exist without realizing that it slices both ways. While we think that putting down other women for their expression of their sexuality is a way to “lift” ourselves as “good, moral” women in the eyes of men, all we’re doing is creating a war among ourselves. In a more extreme example, consider the phenomenon of breast-ironing in certain parts of Africa. Women painfully iron their daughters’ breasts flat with hot stones while they are developing so that they won’t be a temptation to men who might otherwise rape them. We go to great lengths to disfigure ourselves emotionally and physically. In the end, this lack of accountability changes nothing about men’s behavior at all.
Men can be as sexually expressive as they want to be and never get demonized for it. Yet we live in a world where over the millennia, women have been stoned to death, burned at the stake, raped, beaten by mobs, drowned, hanged and a sundry other tortures and punishments have been devised for women simply on the "suspicion" of wrong doing. (Did you know that the women who were persecuted and executed during the Salem Witch Trials in the U.S. were mostly midwives?) Honor killings abound in the Middle East. Even in places like Brazil, it has only been in the last 20 years that legislation was passed and they started enforcing prison sentences on men who killed their wives for SUSPICION of adultery.
(con't)
part III
ReplyDeleteThis same man also said that he doesn't trust women because women are sneaky and we do the same things that men do (meaning cheating), but just lie about it. Hmmm. So let me see examine the rationale here - men cheat but either don't care and do it blatantly, or lie so poorly and get caught and that somehow makes women worse because we're more discreet. Perhaps if women didn't get labeled sluts and whores and have their reputations destroyed by people who called us those names, and perhaps if women were allowed the same level of sexual freedom as men, we wouldn't have to be "sneaky"?
Oh, and I'll also take a real issue with the fact this notion that because people like enjoying material wealth, it means that they're somehow not nice people. There are lots of wealthy people who were raised to believe strongly in the importance of giving back to other people. This idea is wrong for two big reasons, 1) it is overly simplistic to judge people like this; and 2) I believe deeply in the law of attraction, and I think that it is not healthy for people to have negative feelings or attitudes about wealth. It’s an age old idea that was used to encourage people not to strive to have more so that they did not upset the status quo (but that’s a whole other blog post).
It's funny though, because I see good women and good men get treated like sh*t all the time. I could wax poetic on such cases of good mates getting dogged by selfish ones. I think it is constructive that we are talking it out and getting to know ourselves, and each other, better.
I’ll see you here next post.
Love and light to you all,
Darcy
@ Darcy 3 words "I Love It"
ReplyDeletethanks, some real passion there.
@Darcy: Very well put, and you do have some really strong points. However, we are forgetting a few things. Women are blamed for their part in the Adam & Eve scandal because, as you mentioned, they gave in first and have the "seductive strengths" while men have the sexual weakness. Both are still to blame and we could go on and on and on but God made His world perfectly and The authority and physical strength given to men balances out with the sexuality and emotional strengths of the female. This "battle of the sexes" is destroying us though.
ReplyDeleteAs it was in the Garden of Eden, so it is today. While we stupidly blame each other for how things go wrong, the 3rd party in the matter gets away with it. Whether we like it or not, there is a spiritual aspect of our existence that heavily impacts us. The forces of good and evil are at constant war for our souls and in everything we do, we either score points for one force or the other. Of course, if you choose to be atheist and seek to explain everything with science, this cannot help you at all and nothing can!
But, people go on and on bout "woman a crosses" and "Man a dog" etc., without even considering that we are all falling victim to a supernatural force called "Evil". Selfishness, Materialism, Cruelty, Unfaithfulness, Lust of the Flesh, Jealousy, Insensitivity, Hatred, Bitterness...i could go on and on and on...all of these are evil influences that we all fall victim to EVERYDAY but sadly blame each other.
How about we deal with teaching people about these forces so that they are more aware of why they end up doing the things they do?
The Devil tempts us to do evil but God doesn't tempt us to do good...this is why it is so easy to do evil things.
What about the media that has most of the power in society now? What supernatural force influences their influence? Think about that for a minute (remember that majority rules in our world)...
@ Kwintie: Very moving and emotional post. I actually wanna meet u. eHarmony? LOL
ReplyDelete@ Gerrard: Thanks. I am just so over this ideal mate thing. as you stated, the battle of the sexes and i am done battling. BTW is how you know bout my eHarmony account, u on it too? :D
ReplyDeleteLOL!!! You have one? That was just a joke to say this blog is helping me find people I can relate to on a deep level, thus the eHarmony comment lol!
ReplyDelete